'Handle Hard Better'

The major project is due next week — and we just have to get through it and we can exhale.   

But once it’s submitted, a family situation arises, then another work challenge comes up, and one of our team members quits.

Recently, Duke Women’s Basketball Coach Kara Lawson shared a powerful message with her players in which she highlighted the flaws of setting arbitrary milestones for satisfaction.

“If you go around waiting for stuff to get easier in life, it’s never going to happen,” she said. “What happens is you handle hard better." 

So how do we mentally train ourselves to do this? How do we move beyond this notion of waiting for things to pass and then expecting our lives to suddenly improve?

1. Win the drill, not the season

When a reporter once asked Bill Belichick what his career goals were after already winning five Super Bowls, he famously said, “I’d like to go out and have a good practice today.”  

“Focus on the present” is hardly groundbreaking advice, but we often struggle to achieve what we really want because our goals are too macro in scope. The objective shouldn’t be to defeat an opponent or earn a prestigious award. It’s to master the drill right now or adeptly execute this specific part of the presentation. Thinking short term is crucial for any sustained success.

A 500-page book is intimidating. A single chapter is not. 

2. Find one voice of positive reinforcement

If we’re not hearing anything encouraging, the hardship becomes even tougher. Pick up a teammate, have the teammate pick us up, and let’s together make this major burden less overwhelming.  

As U.S. Navy Admiral William McRaven said during his famed University of Texas commencement address, “If you want to change the world, find someone to help you paddle.”

3. Short-term failure is not defeat

No matter how hard we try or how badly we want it, we will fail on occasion. But knowing in the back of our minds that failure isn’t fatal or a horrible indictment of our talent is a means of maintaining perspective to get through it. In essence, getting knocked down is inevitable. Quickly getting back up is a choice. 

Ultimately, executing Lawson’s advice is far less about acquiring skills than it is about honing mental fortitude.

And while those who do won't suddenly have it easy, they’ll be far better suited for when hard comes around the next time.