5 Lessons From The Sopranos' Paulie Walnuts

When actor Tony Sirico passed away earlier this month, he was fondly remembered for playing Paulie ”Walnuts” Gualtieri, a fictional character from the HBO mega hit "The Sopranos.”

Paulie was funny, charismatic, original and extremely dangerous. Yet, everyone looked past his faults and only remembered his charming elements, despite the fact they weren't actually that charming.

So how can a narcissist who robs, lies and murders be so beloved?

There's only one answer: Authenticity.

When someone is authentic in every facet of life, people naturally gravitate toward him/her, overlooking the faults, regardless of how dangerous the person might be. This same dynamic occurs when leading.

An authentic leader can cultivate followers, even when their faults are noticeable. However, when he copies another person’s leadership style or behaves dubiously, the results are never positive.

Authentic leadership is ultimately based on genuineness and transparency. It is the opposite of the more common idea of charismatic leadership, which emphasizes power, authority and influence. Authentic leaders are often seen as people who understand their own strengths and weaknesses and use this knowledge to help guide their decisions. They also tend to be very open with others about their own vulnerabilities.

To become an authentic leader requires mastering five traits: Using only the good elements of Paulie as our reference, they are:

1. Self Awareness. Despite being a top earner who was fully vested into Tony Soprano‘s inner circle, Paulie never wanted to take the reins. Perhaps ironically because of his lack of ambition or to simply just stay in his self-aware lane, Paulie was content in his role. He loved the perks, always wanting more, yet, he never sought a title as a true commander and had no issue taking orders from the much-younger Tony. Paulie was always aware of his place in the pecking order.

2. Self Mastery. Paulie was extremely good at being the tough guy, using force to get the job done. Paulie was very particular and cared deeply about how others viewed him. His hair was almost always perfectly swooped, his face clean-shaven, his clothes pressed and ironed. He was a stickler for appearances who mastered the art of consistently presenting himself in a positive light.

3. Social Intelligence. Paulie was always concerned he was being cheated. He constantly felt betrayed by the acts of others. (Who wouldn't when you learn your Aunt was really your mother?) He used his social intelligence to protect his assets in any deal. He was always looking for danger first, which allowed him to feel comfortable with others. He also was able to disarm those he met with his signature line: “Whatta you hear, whatta you say.”

4. Empathy. Paulie's empathy was somewhat bizarre and often displayed in strange settings. When Tony announced he was in therapy, Pauly admitted he had been to a shrink too. And for a tough guy from the streets, that's a huge admission. Yes, Paulie was self-absorbed and a hypochondriac all wrapped into one. Yet the moments he showed empathy, he became irresistible as the sweat suits and the wing-tips of sliver on the sides of his head.

5. Consistency. Paulie was predictable in every behavior, down to his endless supply of white shoes, the color of his hair and his insistence on cleanliness. His routine and behaviors were consistently predictable from the first episode until the last. Paulie's authenticity came from his consistency.

As we develop our leadership skills, we must build a foundation based on our personality and inner voice. What works for others doesn't always apply to us. Find the distinctive method by adopting these five skills — then build a following that would rival Paulie Walnuts'.