Do You Want To Be Liked or Loved?

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Apple’s new documentary The Dynasty about the New England Patriots’ reign as the greatest success story in NFL history falls well short in telling what actually occurred inside the walls at Patriot place. 

There were self-fulfilling agendas in place to highlight and credit some while ignoring others. What appeared on the surface as potentially a great lesson for all to learn in team building and leadership became an infomercial.

The reaction to the show became the real story. 

Former players all came to the defense of their coach, Bill Belichick, who isn’t portrayed properly for his role in building the dynasty. Their comments demonstrate a sense of appreciation of his efforts. Recently, Julian Edelman, a star receiver and three-time Super Bowl champion, and Matthew Slater had this to say about their former coach. 

"I honestly think if you're in your 30s and you've played football, I don't think you've ever liked your football coach. You loved him. But you didn't like your football coach," Edelman said.

"Just like I didn't like my parents when they made me do things that they knew was gonna make me a better person. I didn't like doing it, we didn't like doing it, work's not easy, doing the little s--- for preparation, doing walkthroughs for walkthroughs for walkthroughs, I hated it. I bitched about it all the time. But we needed it. And that's why you went into every single game knowing you outprepared that team and you have a shot to win. Every single game."

"To your point," Slater responded, "maybe there were times that many of us didn't like Coach. But we always loved and respected him. There was no question about that. We always knew that he was pushing us to be the best version of ourselves — like our parents would."

The job of any leader is to push people beyond their limits. To lead is to make others better. No leader accepts his/her role with the idea of taking the path of least resistance. And when a leader pushes, there is always resentment, always pushback, because we as humans don’t like being pushed toward the best version of ourselves. We are happy to find comfort. 

The difference between being liked and loved is the key leadership lesson. To be liked means giving in to those we lead, not having a standard to reach each day. Acceptance of mediocrity. Good becomes good enough. 

Being loved requires everyone understanding the quest for greatness requires sacrifice, doing the uncomfortable, a willingness to listen, to be in search of constant ways to improve, and most of all, to take feedback as coaching, not criticism. 

When the leader makes everyone aware of the reasons they are being pushed, then love enters the relationship. There becomes a bond between those being led and those leading based on the greater good. 

The Patriots’ players understood the greater good was winning Super Bowls. They didn’t necessarily like the hard work, but they loved the rewards. 

And for any leader that is the ultimate price you’re willing to pay. 

Do you want to be liked, or loved? 

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