Friendship and Leadership

In Paramount’s hit television show “Yellowstone,” Kevin Costner plays John Dutton, the owner of a large Montana ranch filled with cowboys. The Dutton ranch has a large bunkhouse where all the cowboys live, eat and let loose. One night, when they’re throwing a party, Dutton’s son asks his father if he wants to go down and join the boys. Dutton replies, “I’ve never had much success partying with the people I lead.”

It’s a line many executives and workers have a hard time navigating. On the one hand, we want to be part of the group, while remaining autonomous so we can still demand excellence. In contrast, some in the group feel more secure because the boss “likes” them and has a personal relationship. Therefore, their work must be acceptable. It’s the age-old problem of being liked and being respected. Can the leader party with the people he/she leads? 

The most crucial area to navigate is to understand the difference between professional relationships and business relationships — through our ability to explain and teach. Leadership is all about building a relationship with those you lead, but there must first be a solid blueprint before the execution begins. There must be a continual educational process centering on how friendship and leadership can benefit one another. Once explained, everyone will be able to understand friendships and leadership have much in common. For example:

1. Friends should always be selfless when dealing with others as should leaders. We always want the best for our friends. We want the best for those we lead, and work hard to make them better each day. How we force those we lead to improve solidifies the friendship. 

2. Being loyal to a friend means telling the truth always — good or bad. The same applies to leadership. Having uncomfortable conversations should become comfortable.

3. We have faith in our friends, and we need to have faith in those that lead us.  Earning trust is vital in friendships and leadership.

4. We always have excellent listening skills with our friends and strive never to become one-sided in the relationship. Friends learn how to give and take, so should leaders. We listen and hear when we are with our friends; great leaders do the same. 

5. We always show compassion for our friends; we always should show compassion for those we lead. 

Had John Dutton understood how leadership and friendships can work together, he might have been able to go party with those cowboys. 

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