'You Just Need to Show Up, Be Consistent, Be Good'

He’d been working with one of the greatest athletes ever — but had hardly told a soul.

It wasn’t until at least two years into his time with LeBron James that health and fitness expert Adam Bornstein began to share what he was doing with the people closest to him.

The Daily Coach continued its conversation with Bornstein, the best-selling author of the book “You Can’t Screw This Up,” about life rules, his takeaways from working with LeBron and having the right level of confidence in his work.

Part 1: 'I Never Felt the Need to Tell Anyone What I Was Doing'

This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.

Adam, thank you once again for doing this. Last week, you mentioned one of your rules for life is “Don’t be an a--hole.” What other rules do you have?

•Listen before you talk
•Leave people better than you found them
•What have you done for others
•What have you done for yourself?
•Are you being true to the person you want to be?

The goal isn’t perfection. That’s a giant bid, but at the end of the day, when you look in the mirror, are you being true to who you want to be? Not, did you do everything right, but what is your intent?

It’s important to check yourself. So many of my rules are more about making sure I don’t lose my way. Life moves so freaking fast. My rules aren’t meant to be big epiphanies. They’re designed to ground me and keep me focused and prevent myself from beating myself up.

What advice would you give to somebody about making his/her own rules?

Rules don’t have to be motivating and inspiring. No, sometimes it’s just if you had a rough day or you’re not happy with your work or are not making as much money as you want, it’s not always going to go your way. The way you prevent it from spiraling is you take a step back. Life can make you lose your f---king mind.

If I could go back to my younger self, that’s what I would’ve told myself. You have to truly look at your actions and intentions and realize, “Are you doing the types of things that will allow you to weather the storm?” Because the storm will pass.

I’ve hit a lot of storms and am privileged in many ways and lucky for the things I’ve gone through. But the last two years, everyone says, “It looks great. You’ve got a couple of different businesses.” But on the inside, there’s been a chaotic storm. The way you get through it is — are you true to yourself, what are you working on, and can you keep yourself grounded?

You’ve also worked with LeBron James. How do you go about earning the trust of one of the best athletes ever?

LeBron was a byproduct of working with Arnold. The meta lesson here is you never know where certain relationships are going to take you. I certainly didn’t start work with Arnold thinking it would lead to working with LeBron. When I started working with LeBron, I truly didn’t tell anyone — partially because I was NDA’d like you wouldn’t believe — but partially because again, the formula that has worked for me repeatedly is do good work for the people you’re doing good work for. If you get blinded by anything else, you tend to get yourself in trouble.

I think I did stuff with LeBron for two- to three years before anyone knew. The bright, shiny object is being like, “I get to work with LeBron James, one of the greatest athletes in the history of sports.” But the job is how do you do good work and respect him and his team and his process and not come off like you know everything?

I could’ve big-timed it like, “You came to me.” But no, you’ve got to respect the process and be very, very humble about things and know your place. You’re the backup quarterback on the bench. Your job isn’t to put pressure on the starter. It’s to support him and if your moment comes, you better be ready to show up. My job was be ready to show up, know how to fit in and support.

I think lessons from LeBron are “Keep the main thing the main thing.” Athletes and celebrities of this stature have an impossible number of demands. Everyone expects the world of these people, and it’s impossible for them to please everyone. They want their time, their money, charitable efforts, autographs. LeBron is great at knowing his main thing is basketball. His main thing is also the city of Akron. If people haven’t been to the I Promise School, which I was fortunate to see, the opportunities he’s created for not just kids but parents, and the community and there’s a food bank and there’s a way to help people interview for jobs, it’s crazy what he’s built.

His main things are basketball, family and the community he comes from. He’s got other projects and advertisements and investments. You think he’s doing a million things, but he’s really doing a great job with those primary things. In life, it’s very easy for us to get distracted by the next thing, the bright, shiny object syndrome, but everything that’s come to LeBron is a byproduct of making basketball and Akron his main things. And he puts his family first.

The simplicity of that outlook in a world where things are always pulling our attention is really hard. We live in an ecosystem where it’s hard to focus and know what’s most important. I always continue to be impressed by how well he’s able to focus on those main things and not let other stuff get in the way.

You touch a lot on humility and working in silence. But how do you manage to have the right level of ego and confidence so you can still go about your job effectively?

The right ego knows if you find yourself in that room, you belong. Impostor syndrome is so real and it’s very easy for it to creep in. Everyone needs a little bit of luck, but things don’t happen by complete, random chance. You have to have enough confidence, not that you know everything… I believe I’m very good at the things I do, whether it’s writing, fitness and nutrition, running my different businesses. I don’t dilute myself. I try to stick to my lane but know that if I’m put in a situation, there’s a reason I’m here. There’s a big difference between knowing what you can do and what you’re capable of. The can do is the present, the capable of is the limitless potential of what anyone possesses. It gets back to these rules of are you willing to work hard and listen and give to others and do the things that allow you to continue to improve?

Everyone starts as a rookie at some point. This idea that once you find yourself in the position where you have to perform and have to be the best iteration of yourself is so broken. I think it creates unnecessary pressure that allows people to get in their head… If I slip up, my job isn’t to beat myself up. If I have a terrible game, I’m back on the practice floor. That’s the only mentality you can have, and that’s the mentality of a competitor. The right amount is you believe you belong, knowing belonging doesn’t mean you’re ready to dominate. You have to know you’re good enough to hold the space and talk confidently.

It’s easy to get the stage and think you have to prove yourself immediately. Nothing is 100 percent chance. If you find yourself in the room, on some level, you’ve already been approved. You don’t have to go above and beyond to continue proving it. You just need to show up, be consistent, be good and continue to learn to be better. You might be waiting for them to tell you, “You’re great!” It’d be wonderful if everyone just validated you all the time, but external validation is always going to fall behind internal validation. You have to internally validate and check yourself at the same time. If you’re still in the room and keep on showing up, it means you’re doing something right. You would know when you no longer belong.

What do you most want readers to take from your book, “You Can’t Screw This Up?”

The reason most people aren’t happy is that they’ve been sold this perception of what it takes to be healthy that’s very, very misleading. We’re sold this idea that you have to be perfect and restrict and there’s no leeway and when you break one of these misleading rules, you need to punish and suffer, and that’s a mistake.

So many people are on the path to better health but don’t realize it because they’re following rules almost designed to keep them in a perpetual loop of, “Go on the next diet.” I love the wellness industry, but I’m frustrated by it because it’s become more about industry than wellness. It should be about making people get better, but it seems like it’s now about, “How do I get you to buy the next thing?” The way to get you to buy the next thing is to not allow you to achieve success and make you more frustrated.

You can’t screw this up is a double meaning of one, if you’re following a plan you feel you’re likely to screw up, it’s the wrong plan to be on because no matter what you’re trying to achieve, the best health is found with repeated, sustainable efforts. Something you can’t do for a long time is going to make you frustrated. When you “screw up,” make an effort, eat sugar, have dessert, it’s not a screw up. No, that’s actually the trick. Your body is very resilient and can withstand day-to-day fluctuations.
 
It’s way more important to focus on what you do 80 percent of the time than what you do 20 percent. How do you get to be 80 percent consistency? Health tries to tell you that you need to be 100 percent. Don’t put that pressure on yourself. No 0 percent weeks. I want people to look for sustainable, practical, consistent ways. The barriers in most people’s way is the price, the complexity or the inconvenience. Good health plans meet you where you are.

Q&A Resources

Adam Bornstein ― Website | Book: You Can’t Screw This Up | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube