'We’re Going to Coach You Hard. We’re Going to Love You Hard.'

He came from a football family. The older brother had starred for the team, and his parents were passionate about the sport.

But the younger sibling was rarely on time to practice and almost never smiled. Finally, he came into Coach Kurt Hines’ office one day at Coronado High School and nervously told him he no longer wanted to be part of the football program that meant so much to his family.

But Hines' reaction was far from what the kid expected.

“I’m proud of you,” he said. “It takes courage to come in here and not keep showing up late to practice or fake some injury and instead say you’re not passionate about it. You did exactly what I asked.’”

Hines shared the story in a Twitter video last year that drew national acclaim — and was a critical snapshot into how he as a coach balances commitment and toughness with love and compassion.

The Daily Coach spoke to Hines recently about lessons from his early years on the sidelines, where coaches sometimes miss the mark, and how we all play favorites.

This interview has been condensed and edited for brevity.

Coach, thanks for doing this. Tell us about your childhood and some lessons from it.

I was born and raised on the East Coast in Barrington, R.I. I was a middle child. My parents were pretty middle class, blue-collar people who taught me to work hard. If you wanted something, you had to go work for it. I grew up playing hockey and football.

I teach fourth grade now, but was a C- student then. School wasn’t easy for me, and I now really try to make it fun for the kids. I played football from 2nd grade through my time at Plymouth State College. I never thought about coaching, never entered my mind, until my junior year in college, one of my professors told me a local middle school needed a coach for a flag-football special needs team. I jumped at the chance and just fell in love with the idea. Twenty-five years later, I haven’t looked back.

Describe your coaching style.

I’m amped up. I yell and scream all the time, but never in a derogatory sense, and I absolutely never curse. I have a no-swearing policy with players and coaches. I don’t yell and scream to "break them down to build them up" or that nonsense. I just get very excited about being in the weight room, being in practice, being in the games. The difference between the younger Coach Hines and the older is that now I realize even more it’s a people business. Yeah, the Xs and Os matter, but it’s about serving and empowering people.

You’ve been coaching 25 years now and have obviously evolved as a coach. How are you different now than when you started out?

My first year in New Hampshire, not only did we lose every game, we got our teeth kicked in. It was a brand-new high school. Through the course of the season, I said, “Well, we don’t have any seniors, that’s why we’re losing a lot.” But at the end of the year, I said that was part of it, but the biggest part was I took on too much as a head coach. I didn’t have my assistants do a lot, even though they wanted to do more.

Our playbook was way too big. The bigger our playbook got, the worse we got, and I realized I needed to simplify things. I give credit to Bruce Lee, who famously said, “I fear not the man who practices 1,000 kicks but the man who practices one kick 1,000 times.”

I’ve really decreased the number of plays we run and really concentrate on running the same play out of multiple formations and perfecting what we do. I’ve learned to delegate.

What are the keys to delegating appropriately in your eyes?

When I hire someone on our staff, I’ll sit down before spring ball and email them a list of our coaches, the positions they’re coaching, off-season responsibilities, in-season responsibilities, game-day responsibilities. We have our headsets, for example. I put one coach in charge of them. He’s going to make sure all those headset batteries are plugged in and ready to go. Come gameday, when there are problems with them, I say, “Hey, Coach, figure it out. Take care of it.”

What I’ve found is coaches want that. If you’re a coach on a staff and have your hands in your pocket thinking, “What can I be doing right now?”, either you’re not doing your job or the head coach hasn’t given you enough to do. I think delegating to staff members who want it allows them to have more skin in the game.

A lot of your Twitter videos touch on the value of love and incorporating that into your program. How do you balance expressing love but not getting stepped on as a leader and losing authority?

It’s a great question, but the truth is, I don’t try to balance it at all. Love doesn’t mean I’m trying to be your friend or be buddy-buddy with you. I certainly want the wedding announcement or the first child announcement down the road, but our job as coaches is to serve you. And by serving you, I mean, “We’re going to coach you hard. We’re going to love you hard. And we’re going to call you out when you’re being lazy or selfish or not doing what you need to.”

But I think you’re right that a lot of coaches, especially younger ones, feel they have to put on this façade of being above everyone else. Many coaches are afraid of showing their insecurities or vulnerabilities at the risk of them not respecting us. But players are smart. Freshmen through seniors are a lot smarter than we give them credit for, and they see through the B.S. if you try to act like a certain coach or put on a certain front, they’ll know it.

How’d you figure that out and has that ever been a challenge for you?

After my first year in New Hampshire, we had a coaches’ meeting with our staff, and I asked our coaches what’s something you’d like me to do differently so that I can learn? My O-line coach at the time, who played Division I, said, “I don’t think the kids respect you.” I turned bright red and asked him to give me an example. He goes, “They’re not afraid of you. I think the head coach should be feared.” I said, “I don’t want them to be afraid of me.” I just don’t agree with that, I never will.

What was some of the feedback you got from the viral “quitting” video last year?

I posted the video with the player’s permission and thought nothing of it. I went out to practice that day and praised the kid behind his back to the team. I was emotional and told our guys, “Don’t you dare treat him differently. Just because he’s not passionate about this doesn’t make him any less of a human being.” I got in my truck after practice and was shocked it had gone viral.

There was a lot of support for it, but there were also some people who maybe just read the headlines and didn’t watch the video. And then there were some people who just called me an idiot and a loser who told a young man it’s O.K. to quit.

I’ll never get in a social media battle with anyone, but I always like addressing things that should be addressed. I sent some people private messages like, “Have you had jobs other than the one you have now? Did you date other girls before you married your wife?”

My point was you’re not quitting. I think it’s our job as coaches to pour into and bless and empower those we lead. If we have a young man or young woman who’s not passionate about it, I think it’s our job to still support them and say, “Hey, if you ever need anything, I’m still here for you.”

You had another viral video over how coaches do play favorites.

One of my players one year came to vent to me about how he wasn't happy with his playing time and was telling me how one of our coaches played favorites. I said, "We all do." And he was adamant I didn't. I said, "I do. I favor the ones who show up, who know the plays, who are selfless." Everyone says, "Yeah, I'll play wherever you need, Coach."

But what we're looking for as coaches are selfless, team-first players who don't just say the right things but when push comes to shove, do the right things. I think all employers believe, too. They want the ones who show up.

Q&A Resources

Coach Kurt Hines ― Twitter | Instagram | Website

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