Lessons in Finding Enduring Friends

Friendships form when two people share a commonality: cultural, religious, political, geographic, intellectual or work-related. The bonds that turn good friendships into great ones are usually rooted in sharing the same pleasures of life — the same convictions of the heart. As time passes, either those pleasures become even stronger or one side loses interest, and the friendship fades away. In our life, we are lucky to call some “good friends,” even luckier to call some “great friends,” and the luckiest of all is when we find “enduring friends.” 

One of the most enduring friendships you could ever find occurred between former Supreme Court Justices Antonin Scalia and Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Both were on diametrically different sides of the aisle, both were strong in their beliefs, and neither never compromised his/her opinions for the sake of the friendship; yet, over the years, their bond grew stronger and stronger. They would write scathing insults to one another in their opinions, but never was one word taken personally.

Scalia would help Ginsburg with her dissertations, which were completely wrong in his viewpoint, and Ginsberg would do the same for Scalia, which were wrong in her opinion. These two were so passionate about their opinions, they could not even agree on whether the United States Constitution was an endearing document or an enduring one. Even their word choices mattered, but it never interfered with their enduring friendship. 

What can we, as leaders, coaches, members of a team learn from these two beyond how to be a friend? First, and foremost we need friends who will have different opinions than us as it will improve our development and strengthen the relationship. Don’t just hire friends, hire people who disagree with you. They also taught us that we must respect differences of opinion — really respect them, in fact, embrace them. We must hear from the other side; we must never condemn or make fun of people who don’t share our point of view. No water cooler talk about how someone is a bad person just because they don’t agree with our views. We must accept their opinions, share ours and keep it highly professional. This is not to imply we should change our minds or give in for the good of the friendship. Instead, we should work hard and thoughtfully form our view while welcoming open debate. It is only through the opposite opinions that we can either strengthen or enlighten our own. 

In the end, the biggest thing we can learn from Justices Scalia and Ginsburg is to begin appreciating our difference. Through these, we will make enduring friends —who are the best of all. 

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