Loose Lips Sink Ships

Knowing whom to trust and whom we can share secrets with is an important, but often-overlooked, skill.

By the mid-1990s, Matthew McConaughey had starred in a pair of mega-hit films and was seemingly growing more famous by the day.

But while he had a slight handle on his newfound acclaim, one important person in his life did not: His mother.

In one particular incident, she went on a celebrity TV show and began gossiping about intimate details of his childhood.

“She couldn’t help herself,” McConaughey writes in his best-selling book, Greenlights.

“I quit sharing any of my life or experiences with her; I couldn’t trust her.”

Their relationship suffered for years as the actor distanced himself, but it was necessary in order to avoid distraction.

Why’s this relevant?

Over the next several weeks, many of us as leaders will spend time formulating strategies for the upcoming season, the next business cycle, the first term of the school year.

We’ll work tirelessly to put our teams and ourselves in the best positions to succeed. But with our work and our planning often comes the temptation to gossip and to divulge important information to colleagues, friends, or family.

Knowing whom to trust and whom we can share secrets with is an important, but often-overlooked, skill.

Ultimately, though, it can be the difference between receiving actionable feedback that leads to success — or the plan veering horribly off course.

Before we share consequential information or thoughts we have, we may want to consider three key questions:

  1. Can this person actually make the situation better with feedback or an idea?

  2. Is this person likely to share this private knowledge with someone else?

  3. Would our team or I be negatively impacted if these details became widely known?

As leaders, we almost always have more information about our team dynamics than others. What we choose to do with it is up to us.

Eight years after his mother’s TV appearance, with his career now far more established, McConaughey began opening up and sharing more with her.

But while the period of controlled information and distancing may have been difficult, it was what he believed was necessary to uphold his image — and ultimately elevate his career.

“Loose lips sink ships,” he writes.

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