Pillars of Advice

When we were younger, our parents and guardians often served as our primary advisors. Whenever we had an important decision to make in our lives, from school to dating, we went to them for their advice and counsel. Our thought process was simple: They love and care for us. Therefore, they don’t have an agenda and only have our best interests at heart. Their guidance became the purest unfiltered wisdom we could seek. Then, as we grew older, we found best friends who somewhat replaced our parents, in part because they were more “in tune” with our feelings and our authentic self. These individuals understood more clearly the direction of our vision and the ever-evolving nature of current society.

When we became professionals, we developed our own circle of people whom we trusted and leaned on for direction. These individuals played pivotal roles in helping to promote our careers. However, it’s often difficult to produce the same foundation of care and trust with new advisors that we previously had with our parents. We assume everyone has our best interests at heart ― but do not always consider that the people giving us advice could have a different agenda than our own.

When we had conversations with our parents, we never had to qualify their views into categories. Now, as we have gotten older, we need to categorize advice from others into four distinct pillars.

1. Discrete. This pillar of advice must come from someone who is helping us make a single specific decision. An individual whom we trust with no prior agenda who doesn’t benefit one way or the other from the result.

2. Counsel. This pillar of advice comes from someone from whom we seek counsel to help handle a specific, complex, strange problem or situation. Most of the time, this person is not in our tight circle of friends but has particular knowledge to assist our decision making.

3. Coaching. This pillar of advice comes from someone we trust to tell us the truth about ourselves, our weaknesses, and our strengths. They provide knowledge and guidance on how we can improve and get better.

4. Mentoring. This pillar of advice comes from someone who works in the same profession. This individual has a similar career path, thus providing us with invaluable experienced insight.

While we used to rely on our parents or guardians to handle these four pillars of advice, now we must intently find and fill each category. Next time you ask someone for help or someone asks you, make sure you understand the pillar and then advise accordingly.

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