'It’s Your Ability To Be Unselfish'

Ryan Wellner’s rise to the top of college lacrosse can really be traced back to a 4:54 a.m. train.

Decades ago, Wellner was a bartender on the Upper East Side of New York City. When he would finish his shift, he’d hop on the Long Island Rail Road to make it just in time for morning practice at Division III United States Merchant Marine Academy.

“My friends were going in suits to their jobs on Wall Street,” Wellner said. “I’m going the other way, about to be on a field, blowing a whistle, watching VHS tapes of our opponent or our practices.”

It was through that arduous grind, though, that he realized coaching was his true calling.

Wellner went on to assist at two other Division III schools, then moved to the Division I level. He’s currently the top assistant at Notre Dame and has been instrumental in helping lead the Fighting Irish to consecutive National Championships.

The Daily Coach spoke to Wellner about keys to elevating a career, evaluating cultural fits within a program, and how bartending made him a better recruiter.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. Wellner is a Daily Coach Network member.

Coach, thank you for doing this. Tell us about your childhood and how it shaped you.

I grew up in a little town, East Williston on Long Island. My dad was in the shipping business and managed container ships, cruise ships, casino boats. My mom was a nurse.

I lived in an area with a lot of kids. I don’t think I was ever home. I was always up at the elementary school playing street hockey, basketball, whatever it was. I’d knock on my friends’ doors and we’d be gone until sunset. I was an organizer. I thrived in regimen and structure. To this day, it’s one of the things I’m pretty decent at.

You were a pretty good lacrosse player. What came naturally to you as a leader and where’d you have to improve?

I came to lacrosse late. I didn’t start until seventh grade, which is unusual for a Long Island kid, because I played baseball. I played hockey, too, and was always in a leadership position as a captain or assistant.

I had an ability to bridge gaps between groups and try to pass along the message of the coach. But I was a bit of a hothead at times. I let my emotions speak a little bit more than they should’ve.

If I were talking to my younger self, I’d say, “Control your emotions a little more. It’s O.K. to be fiery, but to a limit.” At times, I look back and wish I could’ve been a little different in that regard, but I had an ability to do the right thing at the right time, all the time.

You get into your 20s and are working several jobs trying to break into coaching. Did any part of you question whether it was all worth it?

I worked for the National Lacrosse League in Manhattan. I had a cool job where I got to travel across America and into Canada, but I wasn’t satisfied. I’m a people-person. I’m not an office person.

I worked for the NLL for two-and-a-half years… I asked the commissioner of the league if I could be on a flex schedule, where I could be in the office in the morning but go back to my old high school and be at afternoon practices. It worked for the first spring, but he (later) brought me in and said, “This isn’t really working. I don’t think you’re as passionate about this job as you are about coaching.”

He was right. I left the NLL and coached at Chaminade (High School) that spring. I wanted to be great at something. I was too young and naïve to think about anything else.

You moved up to the college level after that and earned a reputation as a great recruiter. I’m curious, did the skills from bartending help at all in that respect?

I tell my wife every week it might’ve been the best thing I did. I also worked on a cruise ship and had to socialize with people. Getting them to participate in events was part of my job.

One of the big things for me as a recruiter is the awkward pauses that occur just naturally because of the unfamiliarity between a coaching staff and a family. I can’t tell you how many times I sit in a room and an awkward pause comes up. There are going to be those moments, but it’s my job not to allow them to last. As a bartender, you listen to everybody. It’s your job. Ultimately, my goal is to make money, and your goal is to share your thoughts and opinions and have a good time.

What’s been the key for you to rising in the profession?

It’s your ability to be unselfish. You’re going to have your ideas and opinions and maybe things you’d do differently if you were in a different role, but it’s taking the opportunity to share your thoughts and opinions with the current head coach you’re working for, but understanding those might not be accepted or utilized.

I also think it’s developing a niche within your role. What are you really good at? I came up the Division III path and, at times, I thought I’m never going to get to where I want to go. I had different goals. You need luck on your side. You need a couple of doors to be broken. You need a good network as well where people will champion you to their colleagues and peers.

But I think the biggest thing is to find something you’re really, really good at. Maybe it’s logistics. Maybe it’s recruiting. There are a lot of great Xs and Os coaches, but if you identify those who are really successful, there’s something that they do really well. It’s not 100 things. It’s usually less about the Xs and Os and more about relationships, recruiting, whatever it is.

Do you have program values at Notre Dame and how have you established continuity year after year?

Our program values are culture, community and character. We talk about those every day with our guys… A big thing about Notre Dame is the community structure. It’s one thing to say it. It’s another to live it. We as a program live it every single day.

We find the right person. It’s the people in the locker room, but that’s easier said than done. There have been some elite players we’ve passed on because they just don’t fit and don’t believe in the culture, community, character aspect. That’s quickly found out. It doesn’t take too many bad apples to upset the culture in your locker room. But I do think when it comes to recruiting or building a team in whatever it is, it’s easy to take the best person based on accomplishments. But we can be quick to overlook how they fit within a room.

How do you make those assessments, sometimes with limited information or time?

We ask our (current players) all the time. “What’d you think of Johnny?”

“No, I don’t think Johnny’s going to fit here. He’s not going to be able to handle when things go bad. He’s going to point fingers.”

That’s what I think we’re really good at. It’s not as complicated as we all want to make it, but it’s very hard to stay disciplined to your beliefs and your ethos. If you’re committed to those, though, your culture will thrive.

What really clicked for your team last year beyond just having elite talent?

Last October, we’d just won our first National Championship. The summer was amazing. But we started fall practices, and it was not amazing. Our fall was very bumpy. We got annihilated in a scrimmage. It was not good.

But our guys decided at some point this was unacceptable and not who we were. We re-focused ourselves. The coaching staff looked at things a little bit differently. We never talk about championships here even though it’s obviously our goal. You need luck on your side, the ball has to bounce your way, injuries. But we had a great mix of leadership and a team that was determined to get to where it got to.

We left the ACC Championships in Charlotte and did very well. That Sunday, when we beat Duke, I knew we knew the only team that could stop us was us. It was echoed. That team was committed to themselves, they believed in us.

It was a total team effort across the board.

You start off coaching in high school. Now, you’ve been to the White House to meet the President. Are you able to enjoy the journey while you're still on it?

I thought back last year — I didn’t really appreciate what we’d done. Even this year, I tried to spend a little more time before the games taking it in.

But no, to be honest. I wish I could say differently that I’ve been able to appreciate the moment. But (after the National Championship game), I walked off the field right away and our guys are like, “Hey, next year is going to be another year. We’re going to make a run.” You get into that. You start thinking that. With our recruiting schedule, we were on the road three days later. You don’t get time to bask in the glory.

I like to tell the stories. I like to enjoy it. I listen to people. I celebrate with alumni. But ultimately, you’re only as good as the current situation. The new season will be upon us in a couple of months — and we’ve got to win.

If you enjoyed our interview with Daily Coach Network member Ryan Wellner, you can submit your application to join our group here. 

The Daily Coach Network, led by three-time Super Bowl-winning NFL executive Michael Lombardi, is a vetted membership community of business leaders, sports executives and coaches who inspire, teach and support each other to build championship teams and cultures.

Apply today.

Q&A Resources
Ryan Wellner  ― X | LinkedIn | Notre Dame Lacrosse

Let us know what you think...

Want to Advertise with us? Click here.