Overcoming Rejection

On a cold January morning in a Washington, D.C., metro station, commuters wearing heavy winter coats rushed to their trains, barely noticing a man playing the violin.

He had on a baseball cap and looked a bit down on his luck, but began playing Bach pieces as rush-hour commuters scurried past. After five minutes, one woman slowed her walk, dropped a dollar into a hat, and started listening intently.

She was the exception, though. Before the 45-minute session was over, more than 1,000 people had walked or hurried past. Only seven had stopped.

Was the violinist bad? Hardly. His name was Joshua Bell, a world-renowned classical performer who was playing one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth $3.5 million. Just two days prior, he had sold out a theatre in Boston with seats averaging $100.

But on this particular day, only children walking through the Metro station seemed enamored.

Why did Bell only receive $32.17 in the tip cup? And why did just a small handful leave a tip?

Bell's rejection wasn't a result of his talents but rather of something that happens to all of us at one point or another: Being in front of the wrong audience at the wrong time.

Jia Jiang wrote a wonderful book about rejection, "Rejection Proof," claiming that when someone rejects you as a candidate, it proclaims more about the rejector than the rejected.

The notion of rejection can create self-doubt and can easily dampen our confidence if we personalize it. More than 1,000 people rejected Bell, one of the greatest violin players in the world, even though his talent for playing the violin is indisputable.

When others reject us, we have three ways to handle it:

1. We take the Encyclopedia salesmen temperament. Years ago, there were door-to-door salesmen selling these. Maybe one out of 100 people would buy a set; yet, the salesman needed to have the same enthusiastic approach at each door. We need to build an immunity toward rejection and never fear trying.

2. When we get rejected, we build motivation, especially when asking how to improve. Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves, ask the rejector for feedback.

3. Remember, the rejector is offering an opinion, not a fact. As Bell proved, even the most talented people can be ignored.

Being rejected is only harmful when we personalize it and fail to learn from the experience.

And the truth is that every great leader has felt the sting of rejection at some time. No one is immune.

Instead of sulking or complaining, do what Bell did.

Keep working on your craft.