The Art of Listening: Epictetus’ Timeless Leadership Insight

In the fast-paced world of leadership, coaching, and executive decision-making, effective communication often takes center stage. Yet, the wisdom of Stoic philosopher Epictetus reminds us that true leadership isn’t just about the power of our words but the depth of our listening: “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

Leadership is often defined by influence. But to influence effectively, we must first understand. In an age where noise frequently overshadows meaning, how often do we pause to truly listen—not just to hear, but to listen? Listening is not passive; it’s an active demonstration of respect, curiosity, and empathy. It forms the foundation upon which great leaders build trust, foster relationships, and inspire others.

Listening enables us to uncover the unspoken concerns of our teams, the motivations of our colleagues, and the aspirations of those we lead and love. People feel valued when they are truly heard, and when they feel valued, they engage more deeply and authentically.

Here are five key practices to help us become more influential listeners:

1. Practice the 80/20 Rule: Aim to listen 80% of the time and speak only 20% during conversations. This shifts the focus to the other person, encouraging them to share more openly.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Replace yes-or-no questions with prompts like, “Can you tell me more about that?” or “What do you think is the best course of action?” This fosters dialogue and deeper reflection.

3. Be Present: Eliminate distractions. Silence your phone, close your laptop, and maintain eye contact. Your presence signals respect and attentiveness.

4. Reflect and Paraphrase: Summarize what you’ve heard to ensure understanding and show the speaker that their words matter. For example: “So, what I’m hearing is that your main concern is X. Is that correct?”

5. Listen Beyond Words: Pay attention to tone, body language, and emotion. Often, what’s left unsaid reveals more than what is spoken.

Realize listening is only the starting point. Transformational leaders act on what they hear. They use insights gained from conversations to make informed decisions, address concerns, and demonstrate that their people’s input matters. This bridges the gap between listening and leadership, transforming interest into influence.

Epictetus was right—our ears outnumber our mouths for a reason. The quality of our listening determines the quality of our leadership. As a leader, coach, or executive, challenge yourself to listen twice as much as you speak.

Stay curious, stay present, and, most importantly, stay engaged. When you do, you won’t just lead—you’ll inspire, influence, and build trust. This shift elevates us from being mere communicators to genuine connectors—and ultimately, to becoming great leaders who unleash the greatness within others.

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