Working for a Narcissist

We’ve all been fooled by someone we work for — particularly during the recruitment phase. We sign on the dotted line to embark on what appears to be a great career situation and are mesmerized by someone who shows strength, exhibits command and engages us. But after a few weeks, we realize it was all fake; nothing was real, not their compliments, not their kindness.

Welcome to life working or dealing with a narcissist.

The hardest part for us is understanding the difference between working for an egomaniac and working for a narcissist. They have some similar traits. Both are absorbed in themselves. Both are selfish, as their self-opinion controls their behaviors. Both have to elevate themselves above others, in their minds and outwardly. But the narcissist has more layers than the egomaniac, more complex behaviors, more shifts in temperament and is more manipulative, making life around him/her impossible.

It’s easy to be fooled by a narcissist — at least at first, says Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, the CEO of Hogan Assessment Systems and a business psychology professor at University College London.

“A narcissist comes across as charming, charismatic and confident,” he says. “He/She seems like the kind of person you want to work for—it’s only later that you see the dark side.”

Michael Maccoby, president of The Maccoby Group and author of Strategic Intelligence: Conceptual Tools for Leading Change, adds that narcissists have an exaggerated sense of entitlement and require constant admiration.

So what do we do when faced with this situation? If you cannot quit or find another job, there are some ways to manage the situation effectively. Here are 5 strategies:

1. Understand Naricissm completely. Google narcissistic personality disorder to deepen your understanding of the person.

2. Don’t react. Count to five and understand that a narcissist loves attention of any kind, good or bad. They thrive on being attacked as this gives them the spotlight they crave.

3. Don’t pet the tiger. Once you know what you are dealing with, avoid all the pitfalls. The hardest part for anyone is understanding how a narcissist behaves. Once you have that understanding, don’t entice them. Would you ever pet a tiger? Of course not. Why engage a narcissist?

4. Stay focused on what is important — remember, there are two types of jobs, one you can grow from and one you can make an impact in. Working for a narcissist will never allow you to make a difference, so make sure you devote time to growth.

5. Don’t argue with them. Be calm, state your points and never take things personally as you will learn this is not about you, only about them.

No matter how bad life can be working for a narcissist, we all can learn from the experience.

Please forward and share this email with your friends and family.